Resolution

Resolution.

I’ve used that word often in sentences; but never quite grasped the meaning fully, until recently.

Every morning when I wake up, I resolve to be a better person; a person you’d be proud of.

I wind up crawling into bed a little worse off than before. But I do it all over again the next day.

I don’t really know why I do that. Why I want to be a better person in a world where being strictly average is okay. I don’t know.

But it’s a good feeling. Pushing myself till I can barely stand it; scrambling through the voices in my head until I can hear coherence. Mucking about in my own mediocrity until I do something worthwhile – it feels good.

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with myself. I don’t think I’ll ever know if that’s a good or bad thing. I do think, however, that not knowing, is a good thing.

This is the most positive I’ve felt in a while. I don’t remember when I was this optimistic.

I don’t think it’ll be a particularly good year.

I don’t think I’ll have a particularly good life.

And I don’t think I’m going to be a particularly good person.

But I think that, as long as I resolve to be one, every day; as long as I resolve to do one thing every day that I can be proud of – I’ll be alright.

Resolution.

It’s a beautiful word.

 

ELECTRICAL STORM – U2